9 Songs

Director: Michael Winterbottom

Stars: Kieran O'Brien, Margot Stilley

9 Songs, you must have heard about it? All the talk about the graphic sex scenes has made all the major papers, and news channels. How the director defends them saying that they are ‘essential to the core story of the film’ and that he wanted to ‘portray a couple in a relationship in full detail. So, is it, in the end, a worthy endeavor? Does it (in the short 69 minutes running time) manage to convey a message/story? Is it just cheap titillation? Well, the answer is none of these! It is, to be brutally frank, just plain shit!

Now, it’s not often I resort to being so harsh in a review. Heck, even when reviewing Catwoman I suggested everyone see it to see how bad a film can be! Here, however, there is no reason to sit through the far too long 69 minutes! Not even to see what the controversy is all about! You see, in wanting to ‘depict a relationship’, it has become obvious that Winterbottom has never really been in one! Why? Because the one essential ingredient to a relationship is missing….a couple who actually look like they care, and maybe even love, each other. What we have in their place are two bland, emotionless drones who, to put it bluntly, just f**k. The woman in particular is so bad that within minutes you just wish he’d dump her, and let us watch some more concert footage!

Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention the only good parts of the film…the live concert footage of some of the best of the scene today, such as Franz Ferdinand. However, they are not worth wasting your life with the rest of the film for! For a film to so spectacularly fail to engage any emotion is one thing, but for a pornographic film to fail to titillate is another. With some thrown in history of Antarctica (don’t ask!), the end result is akin to sitting at home and flicking from VH1 to Pay-per-view porn, and National Geographic whilst waiting for something else to start!

Don’t watch this trash! Tell everyone you meet to avoid it! Trust me, they’ll thank you in later life!